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2002-05-23 - 8:24 a.m.

I am one BMF. Why? I did laundry last night. Until 10:30. Yep, I know. It was actually an act of passive aggressive defiance as it bugs the hell out of someone I live with. Who I normally humor but last night man, I was in no mood. Seriously, the sweet purr of the washer and the steady hum of the dryer are comforting white noise sounds that sooth one to sleep with their industrious song. And we have a modern marvel of a washer and dryer set. But who knows why things irk people. Perhaps the swish swash of clothes being cleaned and dried efficiently reminds him of his own dirty laundry, whatever that may be. What actually sparked this small act of aggression on my part was gas. And not the type hooked up to our dryer, operating at just pennies a load, if one is to believe the product brochure. That I was forced to read before operating the dryer. (Issues, everyone has them) No, Iím talking about the natural variety caused by the huge influx of soy in my diet. Yes, the lack of dairy is ruining my social life, such as it was. It was especially present last night. Being a considerate housemate, I confined my gastronomic releases to areas where there was adequate ventilation (outside on the patio), areas that were designed for such occurrences and equipped to deal with the situation (the bathroom) and my own personal space, with a window open and my hepa filter set to Super (Which is how I avoided methane poisoning, Thanks Sharper Image! If you need me for testimonials please feel free to contact me) However, despite my best efforts, it seems that my ability to appear from the Hubble as a violation of Californiaís clean air act did not go unnoticed. And so he felt the need to comment. A lot. And so I felt the need to do laundry up through the West Wing up until 10:30. As opposed to my standard schedule of nightly, 11:30 after some restless tossing and turning. Now I donít have any dirty socks. The things we do for revenge.

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