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2002-08-31 - 11:19 p.m.

Half the time I donít think I have anything clever or entertaining to say, but I donít want to not write anything in order to not break up the routine. Thatís a lot of negatives. Sometimes I have troublematic (Donít you just love making up words) and heavy things that I should record, or at least share but I usually find myself unable to face the ID at that point. This diary is such a in the moment thing where I just start typing and at such times Iím afraid of what might come out. I have to wait a couple of days for things to calm down and settle. So I can become passive again, burying the uncomfortable notions and feelings that arrive with such events. It makes me want to take drugs. Actually, lots of things make me want to take drugs. Itís the white suburban middle class thing to do, go through life mentally medicated. Iíd like to do Cocaine for the constant up while killing my appetite. Iíd like to take ecstasy so I can feel the connection between my fellow man and myself. Iíd like to take steroids because Iím fat and want muscles. And Iíd like to finish it all off with some sort of disgustingly mild but trendy party drug of the moment that will be in all the boy band confessional segments of their behind the music shows just so I could say, ďI took that, it wasnít that greatĒ. Right now I think Iíll go take a sleeping pill, so I can have some blissful slumber.

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Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29

Zen and the stumbling rocks of fitness - 2007-07-19

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Zen and fasting - 2007-06-20

Zen and hiccups - 2007-06-18

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