Your cocktail sir,

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2002-09-08 - 9:57 p.m.

Well, I didn�t do laundry.

Oh well. I also didn�t get to go home with a nubile member of the wait staff for the cocktail party. Mainly because they were old and bitter. But I got to chat with people that I have not seen in years, and people that hadn�t seen me since I was allowed to sit at the big table at family functions. And someone brought Jell-O shots. Which was the coolest thing ever. Showing up a fancy schmancy party with Micky Mouse cups full of vodka and cranberry Jell-O. I was very impressed. Because I wouldn�t have been brave enough.

I wasn�t well enough to drive home. So I crashed with the rest of my family at my Aunt�s house. All the alcohol that I�ve imbibed recently is starting to concern me. And while I didn�t have any cigs last night, I did have a very excellent cigar. Which is just as bad. I�m going to be one of those bitter, chain smoking barfly�s that leer at the girls. By next year. At least it will give me a husky, phlegmatic voice. I could live with that. My current tonal range goes from Gidget to Gidget on helium. But such is my curse. Along with freakishly square feet.

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