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2002-09-22 - 12:42 p.m.

I had a date last night, and my parents were in town. It was awkward, because I donít like to share such details about my personal life with them. And they donít accept vague answers. Itís an annoying habit they picked up from somewhere that no amount of effort on either my siblings part or I has managed to break them off. Fortunately, they decided to go home early, thus I didnít have to make the hard decision between lying or putting up with an interrogation. I dropped them off at the airport and had just enough time to make it home in time to get my apartment ready, shower and change. Let me back up a minute. Iíve shared a little bit of my secrets for success in dating. Having my own apartment again rather than sharing a house calls for a little different game plan. Itís important to have a clean place, but not perfect. Some people think that a spotless abode gives the wrong impression. While they are right, itís not for the reasons they give. Too clean and the girl gets suspect. We are men, and should be slovenly, but only in a sexy way. Little things that they could fix, organize, change around to make better. This is infinitely sexier than dirty laundry, dirty dishes, and hand me down furniture that should never have been handed down. Itís also very important to make sure that the bedroom looks like you were not expecting company! I canít stress how important that is. Clean sheets, yes with the porn and any other such accoutrements hidden, of course. I like to leave some workout clothes on the floor, with the bedspread thrown haphazardly over the rumpled sheets, so it looks like a normal routine. Itís all about a calculated look. The lived in but clean appearance that could be a sitcom set. If you have something that looks like a showroom at Ethen Allen, then sheíll start looking for other faults.

And did it work? Well, a gentleman never talks. Unless this particular gentleman gets wasted down at the local tavern, then he spills his guts to anyone who will listen.

You know, I didnít use to be this calculating. Honest. I was naive fool who blundered around incompetently in relationships. I guess itís all part of growing up. I guess Iíll go wash the dishes from breakfast before the ants get them.

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