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2002-09-30 - 9:19 p.m.

Oi! I locked myself out of my apartment tonight. Which made me feel very retarded. In the future Iím going to have to safety pin a set to my chest along with my name and address. But it might get me on the train for free, so thereís a plus. As much as Iíd like to blame a phone call or a rush to get out the door, unfortunately it was my own stupidity that left me outside looking in for about 45 minutes. It should have only been a few moments but the none of the neighbors were home except the college kid in unit A who was so stoned as to not understand my question, let alone respond to simple Please buzz me in. He finally buzzed me in but refused to answer his door. I tried using a credit card, like all bumbling white people attempting to break into their own homes, but I was unnsuccesful. I was trying to figure out how to ask Stony McBud to open his door and lend me a screwdriver, possibly by telling him I had a whole package of microwave burrito's in my freezer, but I needed the magic screwdriver to get to them, when the couple upstairs got home and were able to lend me one. They also gave me the landlords phone number. I didnít need the phone number. I suppose I should be concerned that a stoner, a screwdriver and 5 seconds is all that stands between the outside world and all my worldly possessions. But, like the cockroach beetle Iím just not going to think about it. I had gone to the library in order to see about teaching adults to read. But for all the wrong reasons. Well, actually, are there wrong reasons? I donít know. Itís silly, but I have a sister who has life on the upswing at the moment. Iím not jealous, merely threatened. And not even that. Itís complicated. Anyway she has a job working with inner city youth who are deemed at risk for gang activities, is a volunteer EMT, and just bought a Land Rover Discovery. So, I feel that I must up my ante so Iím on par with her. Of course, she is in Utah, so I can pull the Bay Area trump card at family gatherings, but still. I manage a department (of one, GD Company) AND teach homeless people to read. Plus it will look good on my resume. Just doing Special Olympics isnít enough. This is why I locked myself out of the apartment. This is why it took 10 minutes of shouting ďI LIVE IN APARTMENT DĒ and hearing, ďNo dude, this is AĒ to realize this. So, should the send me the information as I requested, it will be a more humble Chauffi that accepts the task of teaching those less fortunate than he the joys of the English language, and literature in particular. And there are book clubs that I could join. Which might be interesting. Should I actually end up volunteering at the Repertory Theatre, as some co-workers of mine would like, then I will be the king of downtown. At least on paper.

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