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2002-10-23 - 11:35 a.m.

This morning on the train into work there were two women discussing a wide variety of topics. I kept expecting one to remember the Waiter, Jean Luc!! and then burst into laughter like the coffee commercials. They were very difficult to ignore.

I have been sullen and insolent at work. Feeling put upon and annoyed by the petty struggles going on around me. By being gone last Friday, I had separated myself from it all, and so this week I have walled myself up so as to keep it out. “It” being the general shit that goes on. My EB came over and asked me if I wanted to go to Happi House with her, an invitation not only to fill me in on the minutiae of her weekend but also to fully integrate me back into the corporate hive mind with tales of gossip and interdepartmental bickering. In her world, it was a thoughtful gesture, meant to include me, the withdrawn one toiling away in his cube, and perhaps to pat herself on the back for being a considerate human being. My casual reply that I would instead go across the street was a rebuke to her offer, and I no doubt will have to offer an olive branch. She takes things personally, and I was willing to put up with that. The nice thing is that my other co-workers have respected the emotional walls that I have surrounded myself with, and have left me, for the most part, alone. I was not some silent martyr either, left to stew alone in his bitterness. I am just, apart. That’s the problem with emotional walls. Yes, the keep the ravening hordes out, but they keep all the fear and rot inside. My insulated little world of the past few days could use some airing out. I will be happier by doing so.

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