2003-01-25 - 11:41 a.m.
2003 is still kicking my ass and making me its bitch.
I hate 2003.
Regardless, I intend to make this the best year ever. The period between 1998 and 2002 was the time when I managed to get everything I ever wanted. 2003 will be the year that I fight tooth and nail to keep it. Maybe that�s the lesson to learn here, I coasted to the top, found I liked the view and suddenly I realize that it�s not all fun and games. Or something. I do miss Pleasanton, with its easy access to the city and people that I knew. We are now separated by far more than distance, but emotionally and financially. Which sucks. I�ve had to grow up, moving out on my own, taking on all the responsibilities that go with it. That said, I�ve made a rather difficult and adult decision. I am going to sell my car.
I love the car. But I can no longer give it the lifestyle that it demands and needs. We never go anywhere but surface streets, no trips up to Napa or just drives through the Livermore hills. The closest thing to a good time the two of us have had since the move to San Jose was a trip into San Francisco along the old highway that winds through Half Moon Bay. It just sits there, for long stretches of a time. It�s vanity really. I still get the little thrill of joy whenever I see it parked somewhere. With my lay off and uncertain future it�s just not practical. Besides, the payment with insurance monthly is nearly the same as my rent. And I can�t live in the car, although if you saw the backseat you would imagine differently. We won�t even go into what the trunk looks like. It�s mostly work out clothing. And jackets. I�ll just have to clear some closet space or something.
It won�t be instant. I have to come up with a plan and all. But after much soul searching and thoughts on the subject, it�s the vanity that I can most afford to lose. I don�t think I�ll replace it right away. I�ll need some time away from the auto, to get myself back into a space where I can once again consider being a driver rather than a passenger. I am concerned that giving it up makes me out to be some martyred figure, languishing away in loneliness due to lack of transportation, but that�s not really the case. I could always, no doubt, borrow from my grandparents in a pinch, and there is always the rental option. I also think that CarShare is coming to the South Bay although that�s not for sure. I know how to get to anyplace that I need to via public transportation.
I�ll get back at this damn year. We are at war, and I fully intend to win. 2004 will see me shouting IN YOUR FACE to 2003.
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