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2003-01-25 - 11:41 a.m.

2003 is still kicking my ass and making me its bitch.

I hate 2003.

Regardless, I intend to make this the best year ever. The period between 1998 and 2002 was the time when I managed to get everything I ever wanted. 2003 will be the year that I fight tooth and nail to keep it. Maybe thatís the lesson to learn here, I coasted to the top, found I liked the view and suddenly I realize that itís not all fun and games. Or something. I do miss Pleasanton, with its easy access to the city and people that I knew. We are now separated by far more than distance, but emotionally and financially. Which sucks. Iíve had to grow up, moving out on my own, taking on all the responsibilities that go with it. That said, Iíve made a rather difficult and adult decision. I am going to sell my car.

I love the car. But I can no longer give it the lifestyle that it demands and needs. We never go anywhere but surface streets, no trips up to Napa or just drives through the Livermore hills. The closest thing to a good time the two of us have had since the move to San Jose was a trip into San Francisco along the old highway that winds through Half Moon Bay. It just sits there, for long stretches of a time. Itís vanity really. I still get the little thrill of joy whenever I see it parked somewhere. With my lay off and uncertain future itís just not practical. Besides, the payment with insurance monthly is nearly the same as my rent. And I canít live in the car, although if you saw the backseat you would imagine differently. We wonít even go into what the trunk looks like. Itís mostly work out clothing. And jackets. Iíll just have to clear some closet space or something.

It wonít be instant. I have to come up with a plan and all. But after much soul searching and thoughts on the subject, itís the vanity that I can most afford to lose. I donít think Iíll replace it right away. Iíll need some time away from the auto, to get myself back into a space where I can once again consider being a driver rather than a passenger. I am concerned that giving it up makes me out to be some martyred figure, languishing away in loneliness due to lack of transportation, but thatís not really the case. I could always, no doubt, borrow from my grandparents in a pinch, and there is always the rental option. I also think that CarShare is coming to the South Bay although thatís not for sure. I know how to get to anyplace that I need to via public transportation.

Iíll get back at this damn year. We are at war, and I fully intend to win. 2004 will see me shouting IN YOUR FACE to 2003.

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Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29

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