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2003-02-09 - 1:34 p.m.

I find myself becoming eccentric. Itís not a good thing. There are also tinges of compulsive behavior but I think thatís more normal among people that live alone. Or so Iím thinking, because Iím not fond of the alternatives.

I am missing passion in my life. I have no idea where to find it either. Not necessarily the woman of my dreams who completes me or anything. Iím missing something that I can believe in. That I can care about. This year has upended all my previously held judgments and amusements leaving me an empty shell with nothing to believe in. I can practically hear the Missionaries salivating about the emptiness. Iíve taken to avoiding them where possible, and they sense that, tuned instruments of whatever church they belong to. Perhaps that was the hunger that the Food not Bombsí volunteer was offering me last Sunday.

In other news, I was offered a new job at my current company. But Iím not sure that Iím going to take it. Partly because I no longer trust my current employer, and second because they couldnít give me a concise job description. And Iím not signing up for something thatís yet to be defined. Even if it does come with a raise and 20% travel. Itís the travel that gets me. I think they know that. Whenever Iíve been unhappy or disgruntled in the past they threw the travel card at me. Iím powerless against it. Although a lot of the promised travel never surfaced. I canít decide if Iím loyal or stupid.

I have a lot to think about. Or worry about. Depends on the time and location.

previous - next

Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29

Zen and the stumbling rocks of fitness - 2007-07-19

- - 2007-07-11

Zen and fasting - 2007-06-20

Zen and hiccups - 2007-06-18

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