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2003-02-13 - 11:41 p.m.

So I went and saw Daredevil tonight. Sydney Barstow, excuse me, Jennifer Gardner was all right. Affleck was all right. Colin Ferrell�s Bullseye was pure psychopathic genius and he ate up the screen. There was a preview for Xmen 2 that was very different and made the sequel look more interesting, and finally, I saw my League of Extraordinary Gentlemen preview. I�d seen the online version. It was better than the big screen. There was this hokey LXG logo that was just dumb. The whole editing and movie cuts seemed dumb. I�m afraid for the movie. It�s gonna be like the Avengers. I might as well get used to the disappointment now.

Speaking of disappointment, there is something that must be said. I�m tired of hiding it, poorly, actually, but still. I�m not just a sometimes-witty observer of life with an Anglocentric wardrobe and a Swedish car. I�m also a closet geek. It�s true.

I used to be able to play all of Depeche Mode�s songs on a Yamaha Keyboard with midi module I had in my room. I tried to write my own. My freshman year of High School I was in the D&D club. We played every day at lunch. My sophmore year lunches, for the first few months, I was in the Chess Club. I didn�t date much. I was a library aid. I did Stage Crew. I watched Dr Who. I bought the Star Trek: TNG Technical Manual the day it came out and poured over it like a Rabbi with the Torah. Ask me about the Transporters or the Warp Core. I know all about it. I have an extensive collection of Anime, both VHS and DVD. I�ve read all of Piers Anthony�s series, the Adepts, Xanth up to Roc and a Hard Place, Incarnations of Immortality, and most of his fiction. I�ve seen every episode of Star Trek, Star Trek: TNG, and Voyager. I have, in my life, quoted Monty Python and thought myself inordinately clever for doing so. I wrote faux AI programs in Basic for a computer project. I collect the Star Wars Lego Sets. I�ve read every Dragon Rider of Pern novel. And the Cold Sleep series. I could continue, but the depths of my nerd roots go very deep. I should be proud of this past. Embrace it. Love it. Because it has brought me to where I am today. There is nothing wrong with it, nor should I hide from it. I�ve done worst things. For 8 months I drove a 1984 Bronco with a 4� lift, custom rims and oversized tires. I had it custom painted. It had a roll cage and a brush guard with a winch. If I can live through that, I can live through anything. This quest to erase the past actually made me into the observer of pop culture that I am today. I like to think that I am in tune with what�s hot and what�s not. Especially where media and fashion are concerned. My nerd past has led me to watch these things, to follow them like I once did David Eddings. Perhaps I should have gone into marketing. Or PR. I might have been happier than sales and training. Perhaps I should have actually gone for that dream of directing made for TV movies based on whatever shocking headline was in it�s 14 and a half minutes of fame. I had once dreamed of getting Susan Lucci that Emmy, not for her soap work, but as an abused housewife who beats the system.

So, I promise not to hide that anymore. I�ve always held a little back while keeping this diary. I won�t do that anymore. And it�s not going to turn into a rip off of AICN. I�m not that person anymore, unless of course I am.

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Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29

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