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2003-02-13 - 11:41 p.m.

So I went and saw Daredevil tonight. Sydney Barstow, excuse me, Jennifer Gardner was all right. Affleck was all right. Colin Ferrellís Bullseye was pure psychopathic genius and he ate up the screen. There was a preview for Xmen 2 that was very different and made the sequel look more interesting, and finally, I saw my League of Extraordinary Gentlemen preview. Iíd seen the online version. It was better than the big screen. There was this hokey LXG logo that was just dumb. The whole editing and movie cuts seemed dumb. Iím afraid for the movie. Itís gonna be like the Avengers. I might as well get used to the disappointment now.

Speaking of disappointment, there is something that must be said. Iím tired of hiding it, poorly, actually, but still. Iím not just a sometimes-witty observer of life with an Anglocentric wardrobe and a Swedish car. Iím also a closet geek. Itís true.

I used to be able to play all of Depeche Modeís songs on a Yamaha Keyboard with midi module I had in my room. I tried to write my own. My freshman year of High School I was in the D&D club. We played every day at lunch. My sophmore year lunches, for the first few months, I was in the Chess Club. I didnít date much. I was a library aid. I did Stage Crew. I watched Dr Who. I bought the Star Trek: TNG Technical Manual the day it came out and poured over it like a Rabbi with the Torah. Ask me about the Transporters or the Warp Core. I know all about it. I have an extensive collection of Anime, both VHS and DVD. Iíve read all of Piers Anthonyís series, the Adepts, Xanth up to Roc and a Hard Place, Incarnations of Immortality, and most of his fiction. Iíve seen every episode of Star Trek, Star Trek: TNG, and Voyager. I have, in my life, quoted Monty Python and thought myself inordinately clever for doing so. I wrote faux AI programs in Basic for a computer project. I collect the Star Wars Lego Sets. Iíve read every Dragon Rider of Pern novel. And the Cold Sleep series. I could continue, but the depths of my nerd roots go very deep. I should be proud of this past. Embrace it. Love it. Because it has brought me to where I am today. There is nothing wrong with it, nor should I hide from it. Iíve done worst things. For 8 months I drove a 1984 Bronco with a 4Ē lift, custom rims and oversized tires. I had it custom painted. It had a roll cage and a brush guard with a winch. If I can live through that, I can live through anything. This quest to erase the past actually made me into the observer of pop culture that I am today. I like to think that I am in tune with whatís hot and whatís not. Especially where media and fashion are concerned. My nerd past has led me to watch these things, to follow them like I once did David Eddings. Perhaps I should have gone into marketing. Or PR. I might have been happier than sales and training. Perhaps I should have actually gone for that dream of directing made for TV movies based on whatever shocking headline was in itís 14 and a half minutes of fame. I had once dreamed of getting Susan Lucci that Emmy, not for her soap work, but as an abused housewife who beats the system.

So, I promise not to hide that anymore. Iíve always held a little back while keeping this diary. I wonít do that anymore. And itís not going to turn into a rip off of AICN. Iím not that person anymore, unless of course I am.

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Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29

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