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2003-05-14 - 8:40 a.m.

Iím not going to be able to let go tomorrow. I can see that now. I will be holding on until the bitter, bitter end. I keep trying to psych myself up for it, but I canít picture my life without this job. I just canít. I canít imagine not seeing these people every day. Dealing with this stress everyday.

It has be a bit out of touch with things. My life is very strange at the moment. I have managed to be shut out of things. I bounced my cell phone payment. Which was just stupidity on my part. Being unconscious and all. So they shut the thing down. I have since corrected the problem but it takes 1 to 2 business days to re-activate it. All this for a bounced check seems excessive, but they are the cell phone company. Itís not like I can argue with them. The DSL is still out, although the dial up they gave us is all right. And Iím getting credit for these days. But no phone and no internet this morning. Well, internet that requires me to log on and dial and all that.

I do have a plan though. The plan is the one thing holding me together. Without it, I think my sanity would just dissipate like the fog and waft away. The plan keeps me from spending all my time in the downstairs handicap stall hitting my head against the cool tiles and mumbling self recriminations. The plan. Itís all about the plan.

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Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29

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