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2003-05-26 - 10:30 p.m.

So, I didnít make the full call for a bailout. I made a tentative What if? type of foray. Also, my parents were very understanding and I have a good feeling about the future. Okay, not really a good feeling, my gut is complaining mightily. Iíll be avoiding sliding into third, if you know what I mean. And if you donít, then I pity your upbringing. Anyway, things seemed better after I got some perspective and distance. Plus it was daytime. Things always seem better in the daytime. Itís at night, as Iím trying to sleep that the panic settles in and my brain wonít shut off.

My car goes in tomorrow for repairs. I am currently driving a lovely two tone gold and brown top of the line 1996 Ford Taurus that my sisters and I called the Narc Mobile when my Grandparents drove it. I intend to pay for the repairs using my ďemergencyĒ credit card. I took a couple of deep breaths and went with it. I have a plan. If things change, I can always make the call. I told 2003 I was raising the white flag, hopefully Iíve tricked it. It won a battle. But the war is still on. Viva la resistance!

Today was a holiday. Happy Memorial Day everyone. I worked. I had more problems with parents then I did with kids. People generally tried to test me out. I impressed everyone on the staff. Seriously though, itís a cakewalk compared to my last job. I did better in the sun today as well. No burning. I applied sunscreen every hour though. It seemed to have helped. My face is very shiny though. I might need to use some astringent on it. I need to get some better sunglasses. The list of things is growing daily. Itís frustrating. Before, I would just deal with it. Now, it takes careful planning and coordinating. It takes consciousness. It takes effort. I hate that.

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Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29

Zen and the stumbling rocks of fitness - 2007-07-19

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Zen and fasting - 2007-06-20

Zen and hiccups - 2007-06-18

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