2004-03-07 - 9:34 a.m.
Yesterday I had a to do list that was miles long.
It still is that long today because I decided to give in to Mother Nature bitch slappin' me with her pollen.
Stupid Spring.
On the plus side, I have these amazing little tabs from my doctor that melt in the mouth without water, that will make everything happy. I think they are something like half allergin half prozac. Whatever they are, they make me loopy. I'm only supposed to take them at night. I have regular something or other to take during the day. The best part, I have refills! I might have to stock up. Also, since I started taking them, the death by Fed Ex dreams have gone away. It's nice to wake up without fearing dismemberment or worse. Zonked out dreamless slumber is much preferred to the hyperkinetic REM of the past month.
Tomorrow it is supposed to be in the upper 70s. In March. I want to call in sick. Luckily the season has made this a believable occurance. Go to the beach and revel in the heat and the sun and the renewall of life, well medicated, of course. Relax and enjoy life for a moment, forget about the stress and the touch decisions that I'm making. Just be for a day, or even a few hours. I have this fantasy where I stand at Ocean Beach and chuck my cell phone into the waves, a few skips and then it sinks forever into the deep. I might just do it, it's been acting up. And I have the insurance. Well, work does. It sort of belongs to them. But what they don't know, can be plausibly denied. And that makes for a win/win. I don't know if I'll have the guts to do either action, call in sick and/or chuck the phone into the brine. But just thinking about it makes me content. And that's not just the happy tab talking. Perhaps a small act of defiance will make everything sort itself out. Perhaps that is the nudge I need to get moving again. Or maybe just the thinking about it, the planning of it, the dreaming of it is a sign that I'm moving again. It's hard to say, and I suppose that only time will tell. Which isn't seeming as oppressive lately.
Man, these are good pills.
Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29
Zen and the stumbling rocks of fitness - 2007-07-19
- - 2007-07-11
Zen and fasting - 2007-06-20
Zen and hiccups - 2007-06-18
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