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2004-07-09 - 8:31 p.m.

It�s 8pm on a Friday and I�ve been here at the office for going on 13 hours now. I should be angrier about things but at this point, I�m too tired. I�m actually more annoyed at the sore spot on my tongue from eating too many salt and vinegar potato chips. I�ve actually, over the course of my time back here, have gotten the entire crew addicted to the tangy flavor. A small victory in an otherwise empty trophy case I suppose. Which, I think is a song lyric but I�m to lazy to fact check and at this point, to tired to really care.

I don�t like staying this late at work, and it really bothers me that I can�t get my crew straightened out enough so that these kinds of nights don�t happen. But it seems like they always do and I have to give up my Saturday�s to clean up and deliver the cars that we stay late tonight to paint. I don�t know how to break the cycle. Or even what is causing it. I no doubt would be doing little to nothing at home, and at least here I can do some minor productive things, like getting my paperwork done, but it still feels like I am giving up way to much for little to no compensation. The juvenile, �It�s not fair� argument comes to mind.

It�s actually the reason that I don�t write as much as I used to. Unlike other jobs, where there were insane situations and wacky things to deal with, or at the very least I wasn�t as exhausted on a daily basis as I am now. I find that I am one of those writers who need to be outraged, pressed in on all sides by life and squeezing out the good bits. Now though, I�m just, blah. I need to find that part of me that cares, that hasn�t been worn out by events and can still muster up enough passion for things to get me out of this slump. I know that it worries my family, in between all the other events that are going on. Which is actually good. For a while I was having nightmares and there was no wedding or sister going into a third world country to distract everyone from my unhappiness. I should be grateful that I have the family I do, that genuinely cares about me and the issues that I face. But I�m not. Or, I�m not sure how I feel about it. Which is probably more my problem than anything else. I�m like a moping 13 year old who is never happy even when I get everything I want.

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Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29

Zen and the stumbling rocks of fitness - 2007-07-19

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Zen and fasting - 2007-06-20

Zen and hiccups - 2007-06-18

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