Your cocktail sir,

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2004-08-06 - 5:52 p.m.

Iím acting too much like Adam Sandler for my own good. Quiet, unassuming, then shouting and cursing. Itís not pleasant. Iím sure my workers would like me to go back to the quiet Jeffe who merely painted a plastic smile on his face before retreating into the back supply room to kick at the reams of rags and shake his fist at the heavens.

The heavens are perhaps enjoying the smiting that I seem to be getting lately. This afternoon while rushing around to get some essential work related errands (aka lunch) I was unfortunate enough to be cut off by a stupid fucktwat in a Dodge Ram who cut across three lanes of traffic against a red light in order to slam to a halt in front of me, allowing just a moment less than needed. No damage was done to her truck bumper, and my headlight is only cracked, but it was stupid, irresponsible, and apparently not her problem to deal with, despite a willing witness on my side. I think Iíll call the State Farm anonymous number and report her as a suspected insurance fraudulator. Which is a word I just made up. If youíd like to make something out of that, well, take a number. Iíll rip your wig right off, donít test me. Seriously, I just had KFC for lunch and Iíll do it.

KFC puts me on edge. I didnít want it for lunch, but it was the voted upon choice. I wanted some nice fresh Chinese Food, but there isnít anything like that available in this town, and would have settled for Panda Express, but no one at the shop likes that. So Bucket oí Chicken it was. All this mamby pamby be nice to your employees is so overrated. I should have just said suck it up bitches, you're getting Orange Chicken. An old school boss would have done that very thing, well, sans the slang terms. Unless, say, he wrote them down off a BET comedy program, looked them up online with his office door closed and the blinds shuttered, and then practiced in his basement every morning on the Precor until he had both pronunciations and usage down pat. "Shut yer mouths and quit acting like bais, Iím bouncing tuh Panda, now stop chubbling and paint some cars and it will be all gravy when I get back". Of course, it probably could backfire with customers. "Damn Sugah", he could mention, thereís a grip of rust all up in this quarter. Dis is gonna be some serious cheese". There would be some serious no finger Iím thinking.

I need to get out of here. Or rather, I need to dumb myself down to the point where being here is fine. And coast through the rest of my life like some Stepford uh, Son, I suppose, acting all surface happy and with the depth of a birdbath.

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Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29

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