Your cocktail sir,

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2004-10-29 - 10:14 a.m.

I know that I shouldnít prejudge the wants and needs of others, I know that I should not judge a book by itís cover, even when we are not talking literature as packaged by focus groups and art directors, but in fact real people. But Iím sorry, when an older woman comes in with coordinating earrings, turtle neck, novelty sweater, and Keds, and that coordinating color is fluorescent lime green, I know that this is not going to be an easy sell. I know that her 1999 Cadillac El Dorado is going to need Wal*Mart dings taken out of its doors. I know that there are a couple scrapes from hitting parking support columns and light buffers down at the Ward House. And I know that this repair is going to come out of her shopping budget and that Iím going to have to pry every fucking cent from her harpy like claws (also with the lime green nail polish), and will have the push and poke the pain of her car looking like it belongs in a West Ogden assisted housing development instead of her East Bench home so that she leaves it with me, instead of taking those shopping dollars up to the Outlet Stores for some pre-Christmas shopping. Sure, I feel a touch guilty ensuring that her friends and loved ones end up with the thank you gifts (pre-wrapped!) from her Capitol One credit statement (Whatís in your wallet?) but Iíve got employees with families and babies that need new shoes. Itís a dog eat dog world out there, and Iím gunning for every penny I can get. So thank you very much Mrs (insert unpleasant grandmother type name here) can I get you a ride home?

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Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29

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