2007-04-08 - 8:35 a.m.
My frustration is, well, over. Not that anything changed, but it's Easter, so I'll just let it go.
Happy Easter Internet!
This is the first Sunday in I don't know when, that I will not be attending Easter Services with my family. I'm meeting them later for Brunch, but the whole sitting through the service, secretly taking in the Easter finery, I'm missing out on that.
When asked this morning, I played it off like a late night, allergies acting up, throat dry and sore, a list of petty complaints. But I knew that I wasn't going this morning. I knew days ago. I don't have any really good reasons, for quitting tradition, I've just been feeling the misanthrope lately. I think it's actually the stress of having a little too much on my plate, and the balancing act getting a little bit out of control. Also, I spent last weekend in San Francisco, and while it was a joy to spend time with the family (it really was, there is, often, a sarcasm inherent in that sentence, and while the usual frustrations and power plays where there, it was still very nice to be together) it also brought to mind all the things that I lack, living in Utah and the focus of my old life was brought back, making me maudlin rather than nostalgic, a fault of mine.
It's easy to push aside, to bury it down with the other swirling vortex of feelings I have brewing in the basement of my soul. And in an hour I'll meet up with my parents and my father's family and we will sip clear mimosa's and I will enjoy the Egg's Benedict, find out from young cousin's just how out of touch on the pulse of pop culture I really am, and amuse myself with the inter politics of my extended family.
In the next week or two, I'll be ready to have my sins abolished, to be made clean by the blood and body. A more private morning with my father, followed by a cup of coffee and a banal talk. A comfortable forgiveness is what I really want right now. Not the flash, and show, and crowds.
Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29
Zen and the stumbling rocks of fitness - 2007-07-19
- - 2007-07-11
Zen and fasting - 2007-06-20
Zen and hiccups - 2007-06-18
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