2007-06-18 - 7:51 p.m.
I have the hiccups. Because I'm emotionally unstable at the moment. Or so I like to think. I get the hiccups a lot. And I'm emotionally unstable a lot. I'm not entirely convinced that the two are related. But they seem to be. Occam's razor and what not.
Why am I emotionally unstable you might ask? Or more tactfully, dear diary readers, why do I have the hiccups?
It's not that I refuse to tell you, it's just that at the moment I don't have a really good solid reason for hiccups. Or the EU. Oh, the poor EU. Yes, you got the Euro but does anyone take you seriously? Certainly not our President and his cronies. But he wears Croc's now so I think you get the last laugh. Or tears. Or whatever it is you do in your fancy EU meetings.
It's that kind of unthinking, blind, pettiness that seems to be consuming me at the moment, causing not only my hiccups but also, I guess, stress. Not the I've got to get this report in or my boss will fire me, or I've got to pay the electric bill or children will freeze, but the kind of stress that is pressure, the straining kind. I'm also constantly sore from a personal trainer designed work out that has me push myself each week so I can be cranky and allegedly testosterone laden. Which is why I fantasize about picking fights with people and jacking their shit UP. I have never been a pacifist, but once I started going to the gym regularly I no longer want to hire clean cold killers to take care of my personnel problems, I want to do it myself. With bats. Not the kind that fly about either.
I'm unfocused however, with all this hiccuping. There is no grand target, no focal point in which to take this hate and fire it off at. It's just, out there. Simmering.
It is getting in the way, these hiccups. It prevents me from going forward, from enjoying things like surprise visits from sisters, or family get together's, or fancy parties that unexpectedly I get invited to. I can only stew, and simmer, and various other soup analogies until the hiccups give me headaches, and the headaches make me go lie down in my room, where the A/C makes it tolerable in this heat but shuts the world out. And I have to wonder, is that why I'm hiccuping? It's too deep for me and so I spend hours on YouTube ignoring the world and waiting for them to subside.
Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29
Zen and the stumbling rocks of fitness - 2007-07-19
- - 2007-07-11
Zen and fasting - 2007-06-20
Zen and hiccups - 2007-06-18Guestbook Notes