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2003-03-13 - 6:43 a.m.

I kept stealing tiny increments of sleep this morning, until the guilt about not want to go to work overcame the joy of laying there in a doze.

I worked 13 hours yesterday. I think that I could have worked all the way through the night and be there still, worried about what I still need to get done. It�s not marytdom if no one is around to appreciate it either. It�s just stupid.

Something needs to change. Whether it�s just giving notice and walking away, or changing my attitude, or just figuring out ways to work smarter instead of harder. My body can�t take it anymore. My neck and shoulders are painfully tight and my left eye has developed a nervous tic that is distracting at best. It hurts to raise my arms. I can actually feel the nutrients leeching out of me, along with my creativity and joy. It�s no wonder that the accoutrements of my life are breaking down; I have nothing with which to sustain them.

So, today, I�m going to do something. I haven�t decided what it is yet. But it will be and unselfish yet entirely my own. I will also be grateful with the little luxuries that pepper my day; emails from Wendy, conversations with coworkers, the sour jelly beans that pepper our office, and whatever else comes my way. I am appreciated and valued, I get to learn to accept that again.

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Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29

Zen and the stumbling rocks of fitness - 2007-07-19

- - 2007-07-11

Zen and fasting - 2007-06-20

Zen and hiccups - 2007-06-18

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