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2003-03-28 - 8:40 a.m.

I would like to rail against the world right now like Wanda Sykes or one of the Parkers. The reason for my bit of railing would be that a coworker, in going through the motions of packing up her cubical came across a sheet with some strange diet on it.

And she gave it to Me. Because she �thought you might want to try that�

The second reason for railing against, I don�t actually know, the man? Can one rail against that if they are male middle-class and white? The establishment? I don�t know. The powers that be? Seems trite. A very flattering email went around the office from our New Zealand folks, stating how I had been essential for ensuring their quarterly success blah blah blah. It�s was nice and put my hard work into very kind light. Which it damn well deserved. In the email, it says that I stayed at the office in New Zealand time. Someone had the GALL to say that it was all part of my job this time of year and they didn�t see why it was all that important to stay a few extra minutes.

I had one of those moments where ones vision kind of narrows, and black starts to form around the edges. I was literally shaking with pent up rage, frustration, and interestingly enough, sadness. I normally react to these types of situations by sitting there, stewing inwardly until my stomach is churning and I�m so nauseated I feel faint. Today however I did something different. No, I didn�t cry. I stood up, looked the person in the face and said, calmly, and with as much dignity as I could muster �It was until 10:30 last night. And I need to leave on time today, so to avoid that, I don�t think I have any more time for this meeting� and walked out. To the handicapped stall in the manufacturing restroom where I wasted a whole roll of toilet paper in defiance.

Are these signs, I keep asking myself. I am not appreciated. I am used. I frustrated because I made the conscious decision to stay. To put up with it. Was that a wrong call? I have no idea. I�ve been bitching about this job for over a year. I�ve been telling myself, in six months the market will turn around and the company will be hiring a whole lot of new people who will need to be trained on the software systems. I keep thinking that eventually they will give me a program management position because hard work and dedication always pay off in the end. Eventually I�ll have a manager who is sympathetic to my career and goals. Eventually, I�ll be happy.

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Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29

Zen and the stumbling rocks of fitness - 2007-07-19

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Zen and fasting - 2007-06-20

Zen and hiccups - 2007-06-18

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