2004-02-05 - 6:03 p.m.
I lost it at the bank today. The teller, whom I see nearly every day asked me in typical chipper fashion, How are you today? and I started to cry.
It wasn't any sobs or snot or anything. Just that sudden pain that comes from no where and consumes the entire shoulder/neck/skull region. My voice box siezed up and tears welled in my eyes.
It was an uncomfortable moment for both of us. I ended up just shaking my head, and handing over my deposit slips, unable to really say anything. Halfway through the days deposits, I managed to regain my composure. "I'll take the paper clips" I mentioned, just to break the silence, to let her know that I was back in control. And so our meeting was a bit different than normal. I'm sure that I'll have to explain to her another day. I'm sure that I will have to explain to the 3 readers that I have left why suddenly I was overcome in the bank teller line. But not right now. Because my whole body is aching with the emotion, bottled up and bolted down, to reside in my limbs, in my gut, in my expressions and gestures until I seem a strange marionette, barely in control of myself.
And now I have to face the drive home. With a broken radio and my Memory Stick of songs left at my sisters. No distraction from my thoughts.
Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29
Zen and the stumbling rocks of fitness - 2007-07-19
- - 2007-07-11
Zen and fasting - 2007-06-20
Zen and hiccups - 2007-06-18Guestbook Notes