Your cocktail sir,





2004-11-15 - 5:18 p.m.

My fingers are nearly numb from the cold. And I'm pissed off at the world for a day that seemed to go as slow as molasses and yet get nothing accomplished. No little X's to mark off on my production board, no cars to deliver to happy (or even angry) customers. It was just that kind of day.

We are going into the traditionally slow period of the holidays, which starts earlier and earlier every year thanks to the folks on Madison Avenue, or Hallmark folks, or whoever it is you like to blame for extending the Christmas season from October 31st thru January 15, when the credit bills arrive along with the Post-Season depression. I understand this from a logical perspective, but emotionally, I'm not sure I can survive this winter. My usual tics and stress dealing oddities have multiplied, I go through phazes where I'm convinced I have atrocious BO and everyone around me is just to nice to tell me. I become convinced that the car I'm about to start is going to explode like in Casino and I shake and can't turn the key in the ignition. This afternoon I actually went into the back and hid behind a door, slowly counting to 10 and trying to get my bearings. It's not good. I have no idea why these have suddenly sprung up on me, and I have no idea how to control them. My usual erratic stress behavior crops up at night and merely keeps me awake, but a hypnotherapist and some basic yoga relaxation techniques have all but cured those, no doubt freaking out my subconcious and thus I find myself at 12:30 in the bathroom scrubbing under my arms with anti-bacterial dish soap and spritzing on the cologne.

I wonder a bit if it's because I have fewer creative outlets, if the lack of peers in this job has robbed me of perspective to laugh at the foibles of the public, or even provide a sounding board to vent off of. That and the responsibility for my employees has me hearing Carmina Burana and convinced the 1995 Camry I find myself unable to start is at the second the key makes contact with the starter switch burst into white hot flames. The logical side of me tries to reassure that emotional side that it's merely a feeling of being exposed and under scrutiny. So, I've decided to cut back on the coffee, I'm sticking to healthy snacks and balanced meals, and maybe trying to find some sort of outlet for the stress buildup. I'm thinking boxing.

previous - next

Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29

Zen and the stumbling rocks of fitness - 2007-07-19

- - 2007-07-11

Zen and fasting - 2007-06-20

Zen and hiccups - 2007-06-18

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