Your cocktail sir,





2006-06-30 - 18:44

So, today I had to go to our Layton store. Unexpectedly. I was hoping for a quiet day in Ogden, doing the payroll, the paperwork, so all I had to do on Wednesday was print and go to the post office. But the best laid plans, etc.

The AC is broken in Layton. And we have humidity. And it's hot. And I stink. And I'm in a generally very foul temper. I hate to suffer. And I make those around me hate it when I suffer as well.

Which, is pretty pathetic of me. I hate these circumstances because they are nobody's fault. I can't focus my rage on a single person. It's just the way things are. That's happened to me a lot this week. The bee stings, the having to come here, the heat. It's just been rough. And tomorrow I get to fly out to Chicago, I get to have a great weekend, but I'm nervous about it. Because the lead up has been oh so very horrendous.

Probably because of the heat, I'm exhausted. And I can't seem to delude myself into making this whole scenario work for me. I want out. I can't keep up the pretense that it's all groovy and that release from these bonds is just around the corner. Maybe next month, maybe next month. It's not going to happen. It's never going to happen. This ship sunk a long time ago and we are all just sitting around pretending that it's floating along merrily.

I can't prop everything up anymore. I'm miserable, unhealthy, and am nearly an alcoholic. At least I'm only drinking alone. It keeps me in friends, for the time being. Though only barely.

previous - next

Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29

Zen and the stumbling rocks of fitness - 2007-07-19

- - 2007-07-11

Zen and fasting - 2007-06-20

Zen and hiccups - 2007-06-18

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