2007-01-02 - 10:33 p.m.
I'm feeling fast and agressive tonight, hard, unyeilding. Not angry, but willing to joust with anyone who gets near me. Punchy. I think it's because I have too much to do. Too many things to get in the way between me and leaving on the red eye this Thursday.
Things? I will cut you.
I'm also feeling a little bit regretful. I did a major cleaning of my room, decluttering to the point that now, I'm worried that I've gotten rid of something irreplaceable, something that I should not have. Which is silly. I don't own really anything like that, that I gave away. Anyway, it's left me vulnerable, and so I want to punch somebody until I don't feel like this anymore.
I'm upset at iTunes. My favorite band of 2006 was a free download today. Not that I mind they are doing well, I just wanted to be the one to "break" them. Even though by the time they show up as a free download on iTunes they've pretty much already have arrived, it's frustrating. It's a reminder of my laxness this holiday season. A reminder of my preferring to coast through the end of the year instead of promoting myself and doing things to get me out of the sinkhole that I've thrown myself into, thinking erroneously that lying still will get me rescued. And while it is probably true that thrashing about would cause me to sink faster, who knows. I might stumble into some vast underground cavern populated by Japanese school girls who like punk music and want me to write amusing stories for them while they shower me with riches.
Meanwhile, back in the real world, I hope to harness this antsy energy into something productive. It's the New Year, and while it may be trite to decide that right now I'm going to turn over a new leaf, there really is no time like the present. And, if in three months I'm like the rest of society with my dreams lying wilted and ignored about me, then so be it. It's right now that I'm worried about, right now that I have to deal with, and right now that I think I'll go make myself a BLT sandwich and see if that Dirt show on TNT is any good.
Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29
Zen and the stumbling rocks of fitness - 2007-07-19
- - 2007-07-11
Zen and fasting - 2007-06-20
Zen and hiccups - 2007-06-18Guestbook Notes