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2003-03-28 - 8:40 a.m.

I would like to rail against the world right now like Wanda Sykes or one of the Parkers. The reason for my bit of railing would be that a coworker, in going through the motions of packing up her cubical came across a sheet with some strange diet on it.

And she gave it to Me. Because she ďthought you might want to try thatĒ

The second reason for railing against, I donít actually know, the man? Can one rail against that if they are male middle-class and white? The establishment? I donít know. The powers that be? Seems trite. A very flattering email went around the office from our New Zealand folks, stating how I had been essential for ensuring their quarterly success blah blah blah. Itís was nice and put my hard work into very kind light. Which it damn well deserved. In the email, it says that I stayed at the office in New Zealand time. Someone had the GALL to say that it was all part of my job this time of year and they didnít see why it was all that important to stay a few extra minutes.

I had one of those moments where ones vision kind of narrows, and black starts to form around the edges. I was literally shaking with pent up rage, frustration, and interestingly enough, sadness. I normally react to these types of situations by sitting there, stewing inwardly until my stomach is churning and Iím so nauseated I feel faint. Today however I did something different. No, I didnít cry. I stood up, looked the person in the face and said, calmly, and with as much dignity as I could muster ďIt was until 10:30 last night. And I need to leave on time today, so to avoid that, I donít think I have any more time for this meetingĒ and walked out. To the handicapped stall in the manufacturing restroom where I wasted a whole roll of toilet paper in defiance.

Are these signs, I keep asking myself. I am not appreciated. I am used. I frustrated because I made the conscious decision to stay. To put up with it. Was that a wrong call? I have no idea. Iíve been bitching about this job for over a year. Iíve been telling myself, in six months the market will turn around and the company will be hiring a whole lot of new people who will need to be trained on the software systems. I keep thinking that eventually they will give me a program management position because hard work and dedication always pay off in the end. Eventually Iíll have a manager who is sympathetic to my career and goals. Eventually, Iíll be happy.

previous - next

Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29

Zen and the stumbling rocks of fitness - 2007-07-19

- - 2007-07-11

Zen and fasting - 2007-06-20

Zen and hiccups - 2007-06-18

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