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2004-12-30 - 4:58 p.m.

Iím feeling very white trash at the moment. I had a McDonaldís breakfast burrito that I washed down with a can of Mountain Dew. After work Iím thinking Iíll stop by the Wal*Mart to pick up some items then go find a wife a beat up.

And, because for whatever reason Iím feeling confessional, when I say washed down, I mean I popped the can top and drank the entire can in one sitting, like I was a freshman rush and it was a can of Natural Light. The only thing that would have completed my transformation would have been a rather boisterous belch and crushing the can on my forehead. But then, hindsight is always 20/20.

This has been a very strange week. It doesnít really seem like the year is ending, or that tomorrow is a holiday. It could be that Iím just kind of in my own little world, and will eventually develop habits not endorsed by highly effective people. Flash forward to a few years later, and Iíll be obsessively washing my hands clean three times an hour and bleaching my toes. Maybe itís also because I have yet to return to my house since Christmas. Iíve been crashing at my parents. They are going out of town for the Holiday Weekend and so I will be watching the dogs. Which means 4 more days of not going home. And I donít really seem to mind, despite getting a large amount of home accessories for Christmas this year. I think itís because I just donít have any energy for myself and just want to stay somewhere that I donít have to be responsible. Where I cannot feel exposed and the cupboards are always stocked. Also, I have not opened my fridge since I left for King of Prussia, and Iím afraid to. For obvious reasons. Iím sure that itís just a temporary thing and eventually Iíll get over it. Part of me wants to move home, which I donít think my parents would mind. Itís a big house, and it dwarfs them a little bit. I donít know. Iím not really in any sort of condition to make life-altering decisions. This weekend I hope to unwind by sandblasting the rough bits of skin on my hands, digging away with a cuticle knife until they are clean and kempt. Catch up on all the books I have yet to read. Do some stretches. I want to go into 2005 on at least a calmer note than my current mental state.

previous - next

Zen and don't cry out loud - 2007-07-29

Zen and the stumbling rocks of fitness - 2007-07-19

- - 2007-07-11

Zen and fasting - 2007-06-20

Zen and hiccups - 2007-06-18

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